I’ve been trying to get my shit together the last couple weeks, hence the lack of updates. While cross training has been going well and I’ve made some dance advances*, I just can’t seem to stick to my eating plans. That’s been reflected in my weight, which has been bouncing near my “starting weight” from mid-May.
I was doing mostly well the last couple weeks in June, then the first week of July I barely kept track of my intake. I’m glad I didn’t break 150 again, but I really need to get myself back on track.
This isn’t just a “I look bad and need to lose weight” thing, although aesthetics are certainly part of my desire and there’s no reason to deny that. Extra fat is unhealthy, period. There are too many studies and too much evidence for me to justify that my current body weight/body fat and current way of eating are in any way “healthy” or even acceptable. I want to have great quality of life for as many years as possible and to dance as long as possible. I want my optimal weight to power ratio for dance. I don’t want my feet and knees to hurt as much when I dance. I want to leap higher and stay higher on my toes. All of that is harder with extra weight. And independent of weight, I know that when I eat well vs. when I eat poorly, my performance and general feeling of well being is improved.
So why is it so hard to stick to?
Food is my way of coping with a lot. I get anxious about this or that, and eating is the easiest way to suppress that for a while. Sure, I could go for a walk, work out, any other distraction, but eating takes the least effort. And putting forth effort when anxious is very, very tough.
I’m also lazy outside of anxiety and looking for instant satisfaction. I wait until I’m hungry to eat and don’t want to put forth the effort to cook for 30 minutes, or wait for something healthy to finish cooking/baking because I’m hungry RIGHT NOW.
I still don’t understand how to overcome any of this, but I keep working on it. So far so good this week (three days, so long! ha). I’ve finished cleaning my apartment, which was way overdo and a clean apartment helps motivate me to stay on top of everything
from training and eating properly to otherwise being productive. I’ve stayed in my calories the last three days and avoided both eating and drinking temptations. I hope someday it will become habit, the way my poor eating became habit.
My training (both dance and cross) has fallen by the wayside the last week while I got myself together food and clean apartment wise, but today after work I will do my lifting. Dance class starts up next week but only once a week until the official summer session starts in August, so I will also continue working on my own.
The key will be to keep on top of my nutrition and not slipping into old habits. I have a good jumping off point, and I need to stay the course instead of drifting over to the side of the pool where it is necessary to build a new jumping point and try again.
*For cross training, I’ve been hanging in there on my runs and staying on schedule and working on amping up my weight lifting. For dance, I’m getting closer to a left punch and proper double ups and have been working on tips and shuffles. And I’m getting better at the bit of Blackbird I’ve learned!